Remembering . . .

So I am challenged this week to remember some good things, and I don't mean challenged in that it is a difficult thing. I mean challenged as in it my intent to be thankful and remember the good things about my life.

A tribute to a woman that I am honored to call family. . . my grandmother.

1. Whilst understanding and walking through grief over my Grandmother's passing, I remember the times we sat at the piano together and I sang random songs...from musicals, from classical pieces, from Disney movies, such a conglomeration!

2. My favorite place in the whole world to be is sitting behind a piano, fully emotionally connected, singing to the Lover of my soul. And boy, am I blessed that Grandma imparted a love of playing . . . I would truly be lost without it.

3. I love trivia, and bits of information that seem random and useless until the one moment when I remember that I only know said information because I spent hours learning from Grandma how to strategize about the Daily Times crossword puzzle.

4. I enjoy wine . . . another gift from her. And I am thankful for a redeemed appreciation of something so acquired a taste.

5. I enjoy my creative side. Knitting, crocheting, color, perspective . . . inherited perks of having an artistic grandmother!

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

These are the days . . .

These are the days when I am learning to lean hard into Jesus for comfort and security.

These are the days when I remember that my life is an adventure best lived with the One who knows me best, and the One who is teaching me to love.

These are the days when, when all else around me is disappointing, failing, and negative, I can choose to live in the abundance and joy of my Daddy.

These are the days when I get to hold little ones in my arms on a gorgeous afternoon, just a stone's throw from the Indian Ocean.

These are the days when I am reminded that "family" isn't an exclusive term . . . sometimes it just takes some redefining!

These are the days when I am thankful for my life . . . for His life in me.

These are the days when I am able to choose to go to the depth of my brokenness and pain and meet Him right there . . . when He reminds me that He never left!

These are the days when I am thankful for being able to "work" and have a great conversation at the same time.

These are the days when transparency is valued.

These are my days . . .

I Will Run Away (Run Away) With You!

This past week, I discovered so much about myself, through the actions of my girls. It was eye-opening to have a firsthand look into my own reactionary processes as they made choices.

Some of my girls have moved into a different house. They are still on the same base, in the same quintal (yard), and I hope that they will still stay connected in some ways to Casa Profetica. At the same time, I think it will be great for them to form new relationships.

I walked into a somewhat heated situation on Monday evening. One of my girls was crying; another was gripping the top bunk, as if to save her life. The girls' Director asked if I would come and help. So in I walked...the energy level in the room was absolutely off the charts, and it was well past time for them to be in bed (or at the very least in their rooms).

So, while I was taking one from her bunk in my house to the next house, to settle her in to her new bed and house, the other decided that she didn't want to stay. So she left the base. I finally had a chance to talk with the first of them after she calmed down a bit, and she decided that she would stay in the new room. She was not happy with it, but she was also exhausted. And I am happy to say that she has stayed in her new house and is forming friendships, though definitely still in "adjusting" phase.

My other interaction was a little more challenging. It was the first time I ever wanted God to just download a language for me, so I could communicate with this scared, angry child. The blank look on her face, with tears streaming down...I recognized that feeling. And I couldn't do anything for her. She had to choose. The older girls had gone to bring her back, as she really wanted to run away. And now, at 10:30 at night, she was sitting on the steps outside of one of the girls' dorms, crying, angry, sad, scared, hurt. She decided to stay that night. And for that, I was thankful.

The next morning, I came onto the base to find that she had run away that morning. She packed her stuff in the house (but didn't take it with her!!! surely a sign that she would return) and then walked off the base. I was heartbroken. I began to pray that she would be safe and that she would make good choices. I could do nothing but pray. It is hard to feel powerless, but so freeing to know that I could leave her in the arms of her Daddy to take care of her.

And still, I wanted with everything in me, to run after her, and bring her back to safety.

She did return after one night off base, staying with a friend/family member in the village nearby. I am thrilled to have her back on base!!!

As I processed through some of this, I had a few revelations about myself.

1. I feel things deeply, but often cannot express it with words.

2. I have grown to love these girls...LOVE them (and sometimes that means letting them walk away and come back on their own)

3. I would rather run away with someone, than be on my own.

I think that #3 was the most surprising to me. I like being on my own. I enjoy my own company. But I would rather know that He is with me in the midst of it all. And if I want to run away when things get difficult and challenging, I would rather run into than away from Him. The rock of safety, hidden in the cliffs...yup, I would rather be there than weathering the storm all on my own.

When I saw that angry, so-hot-my-tears-are-steaming-on-my-cheeks face, I was instantly overwhelmed with sadness that she seemingly could not express herself with words. Because I understand that face. I know those eyes. I recognized them. And if I were not walking through my own process of dealing with my stuff with Jesus, I would not be able to even recognize that girl. But He has a bigger plan, and it's helping me to realize that nothing we walk through, with or without Him (our choice), is useless or pointless. He can redeem and use it, and that's what He's good at!!!

So, all told, my life here is good. Challenging, and good. And it makes me happy to know that I have Someone I can run away with, right into His arms of safety.

It's Rainin' ______? (Not "Men", sadly!)

In so many ways, things have been raining here in Mozambique!

Way #1: Rain.

I found out that my roof leaks. It wasn't a disaster or anything, except for the necessary furniture move in the middle of the night. I went to sleep around 10:30. About an hour later, much to my surprise, I kept feeling a DRIP, DRIP, DRIP on the top of my blanket. (Yes, I said "blanket." And yes, it is decently HOT here in Africa, but I'm super blessed to have an air conditioner in my home.) And then it came. The final DRIP that splashed my face, right on my nose! Needless to say, I was awake and somewhat disoriented, finding myself being rained on inside. I have since learned that this "raining/dripping inside" is a common occurrence here during the rainy season. And honestly, I have so little to be complaining about...I have one friend here who, because of the literal downpour in their home during these tropical semi-tsunami storms, would sleep standing (standing!!!) in a corner of a room, just to be "between the leaking places."

However, because of this wonderful downpour, I found out that there are spots in my roof where the water seems to have found a way directly down the center of my bedroom. I was told it was because the roof needed to be capped off; so at first chance, which translated loosely was only about 10 hours later, the team was capping off our roof with cement.

And then...then...the rainy season started.

That sneaky water. It found more places to infiltrate my sanctuary (like where the bolts hold the roofing panels on to the rafters). Apparently cement isn't the best barrier over time to keep water out. But, we have an amazing maintenance crew who fixed my roof "leakers" in two hours, while I was at work in the office! Now sneaky water droplets only invade one spot in my bedroom. And that I can live with. I'll try to upload a video of the sounds my room made the first night of the real rainy season, with the pots all over my room, sequestering my bed (which now consisted of two foam mattresses on the floor, because my bed frame broke in the middle of the night one night and thankfully it wasn't the same night it rained in my room, or I would have probably not been able to keep it together!) to the one place in the whole room that it wouldn't get rained on. Well, at least the wet wouldn't drench my bed until about four hours later, when I had to move the mattresses to the other side of my harmonious pots. If you listen closely to the background volume, you'll hear my "lullaby" from that evening/very early morning...

Disclaimer: Please be aware that our internet connection is going so slowly that it might take three days to upload said video clip. Thank you for your patience. Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Oops, scratch that last comment. Sorry.

Way #2: Relational. Rain.

I've posted a couple of photos of the girls that I'm in love with. They live together, various aged girls in a dorm style house, with bunk beds. So they are literally sleeping on top of each other!

The other day I was not feeling well, and a friend came over to check on me. She said, "Hey, you know, one of your girls wanted to come and pray for you." At that moment, I was feeling so icky that it didn't even dawn on me that this child wanted me to feel better. I was so stuck in my own stuff that it didn't register until about a day later, when I ran into this child who promptly asked if I was feeling okay.

Blessings raining down in abundance...I have made a connection with the girls! And it's more than just a "you buy us things to prove you love us" relationship, which I was worried about for the first little while. But this sweet child, who has a bit of a mischievous side (she is mine, after all) :), was concerned about my well being and I think had I not been feeling better, she would have prayed for me, or gone to get the whole house of girls to pray. She's a fighter, for sure, for things she wants; and I believe that she'll accomplish all that she wants to in life, given the chance (and her own hard work!).

Way #3: Rhapsodic. Revelatory. Rain.

As I sat in my room during the rainstorm, trying to listen to music on my computer at full volume, I was frustrated that I couldn't hear it, and there was no way to boost that volume. I was trying to have some down time, trying to settle myself out after a day of work and spending my energies on the relational things of life; and all I could hear was the crashing raindrops on my roof! (well that, and the soft plink, ding, plink of the one insistent drip in the pot on my floor!) I just wanted to relax...No. Really.

Then, I realized how much I was missing what little things God does for me. I finally settled myself out enough to realize that I wasn't going to hear the music from my computer, but there was something beautiful being composed on my rooftop. So I just sat on my bed and listened for a while. It was actually quite soothing and calming. And I found myself really enjoying it.

I suddenly remembered that I had not liked rainstorms for a long time, something stemming from some childhood memory. But here I was, intently and intentionally listening to the sounds of that rainstorm. I was not bothered at all. In fact, I was enjoying it. Then I felt this huge lightbulb over my head, slowly changing from a soft amber glow to a brilliant white streak!

Sometimes what I think I need isn't in fact what I need. And sometimes I try to shut out everything until all I can focus on is what I think is best. At this moment, I wanted my music to drown out the day so that I could get my head on straight and enjoy my sleep. But the rain was drowning out my intentions.

Then, this: I would have missed one of the most glorious and revelatory moments I've had in a while, if I had chosen to be stubborn and insisted on having things my way. It made me sad to think how many times I have had other things in the way and can't clearly hear what He's trying to get me to enjoy and embrace. And sometimes those things are good things...relationships, work, etc. But when I'm not hearing Him in the moment, I miss out on the things because I have filled "life" with "noise" and forgotten the true value of communication with the one I love most. I've taken Him for granted...He'll always be there. He promised not to leave me. All of those promises.

So I was thankful that He had the sense to drown out my intention with His love and mercy and the beauty and force of nature. That He sees me, past the initial, to the eternal. That He knows what things I will glean from and enjoy. That He wants to see me smile and be truly happy with all of me.

Long Time, No See!

Okay, okay...it's been a long while since I actually logged in and decided that blogging was worth it. But here goes a new start on an old task...

Friends of mine write down little things and include a photo (if they have one, which they almost always do!) of what things have happened in that week. So I thought maybe thisapproach would work for me. But now, I have tons of stuff to update for you all...

Since I last posted here:I went on a South African safari in October! And I got to see some of themost amazing animals. Black rhinos, giraffes, wildebeasts, hippos, elephants...just to name a few!

Skip forward a few months...though it was definitely NOT uneventful....on to new year's eve during the day, I felt like taking my girls to the beach and just hanging out with them. Below are a couple of photos, though not all my girls are there! Five were on ferias (which is holiday, not to be confused with festas, which are parties!!!), and all returned at some point in January.

I LOVE THEM SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Lastly, just for updating's purpose, I am including a few shots of some magnificent sunsets. And let me tell you, these pictures really do it no justice. These were the kinds of things that make you cry because they are so beautiful...things that remind you that God created beauty and created us to enjoy it! Oh, how He loves us and knows each one of us!

I will try to write more often, to keep you all in the loop of what I am up to here in Africa! It's an amazing continent, the people are sweet and generous and kind, and I am thankful for this opportunity to live my dream!

Oh, times are changin'!

So beyond the obvious 6 or 7 hour time difference, I feel like the times in my heart are changing.

I can't really say much more than I feel somewhat complete in pursuing my dreams right now. Yes, it has been a transition. Yes, I have moved away from most 'comfortable' things. Yes, I am living 15,000 miles away from home. And yet, in it all, I am feeling the change of time in the most gracious, merciful way.

So this morning we decided to start a "quote board" for our house. I have to say that I am completely blessed to have such amazingly funny ("You're F, U, (laughter ensues)..." for those in Casa 2) housemates. Humor is a big part of life here in Pemba for the last four weeks and the next four weeks. It feels like a huge gift to me. I'm aware that these are seasonal relationships, and I am in love with Africa still!

I'd apologize for not writing, to those who are following this blog, but I can't say that I'm exactly sorry that I haven't been able to write. The whole of not being connected all the time is really nice. I'm sure in time (heh.) it will become more frequent, but for now, I'll do my best to stay offline and connected at the same time.

Finality...

Is it even a word? For me, right now, this is definitely a feeling!

I'm realizing that my life is so changing for the better. But sometimes in order to get the better thing you have to let go of the thing you're currently holding onto. For me, right now, that's my church home and community; people who have invested heavily in me; people I've invested in.

It's time to let go and reach for something bigger and better, like my dreams!

Hopefully I'll be able to post soon! And, with pictures!